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Sundown: A Daughter's Memoir of Alzheimer's Care, by Judith Harway
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In this powerful memoir, Alzheimer’s robs a vibrant and accomplished mother of her identity, and forces her daughter to face the failures and forgiveness that come with the role of caregiver. By turns heartbreaking and hilarious, Sundown tallies the losses of living with dementia, examines the restructuring of relationships at the end of life, and affirms the power of storytelling to both preserve and shape memory. In the words of Tom Hlavacek, Executive Director of the Alzheimer’s Society of Southeastern Wisconsin, “Sundown is a testament to an extraordinary mother and an important addition to the body of literature on Alzheimer's and caregiving. This is a must-read for anyone in the ‘sandwich generation,’ and a life-affirming narrative for all.”
- Sales Rank: #702791 in Books
- Published on: 2014-07-16
- Original language: English
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .57" w x 6.00" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 250 pages
Most helpful customer reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
A captivating narrative of time, memory and mortality.
By Danarmst
As in her previous book "All That is Left," an elegant novelized poem sequence, Judith Harway attends to the pain and emotional turmoil at the end of life of a family member. "Sundown," subtitled "A Daughter's Memoir of Alzheimer's Care," is also a meditation on memory. Writing in lyrical, thoughtful prose with flashes of loving good humor, Harway examines the cruelly ironic arc of her mother's life. Once a brilliant woman with a prodigious memory, she now inhabits an interior reality which the remains of her former verbal aptitude gives us fascinating glimpses of.
"I'm so tired," she sobs, "I'm tired all the way down to the second level of my mind."
In poignant anecdotes which take us through a past remembered in family stories -- or sometimes misremembered -- we are led to explore the dark, sad and puzzling places of memory and mind. Harway herself recalls the lifetime influence of a professor's passion for Hamlet, although she may be the only class member stirred by his eccentric outburst; a racist playground rhyme resurfaces and is thus carried forward indelibly in the minds of her grandchildren. After her mother's serious fall and a trip to the hospital triggers a long violent outburst of invective, she settles down momentarily, and Harway blurts out that it's good to remember "all times."
"What did you say?" she shouts.
I am alarmed. "It's good to remember all times."
"That's what you said? That's really what you said?"
"Yes, Mom. I said `all times.' What did you think?"
"I thought... I just heard... you said Alzheims...."
I said all times; she heard Alzheimer's. No matter how disordered and incomplete her thinking, I cannot not redirect her. Alzheimer's, the worst word in the world; her greatest fear, her unacknowledged nemesis, the specter my father has willed away and protected her from. Most of a decade after her diagnosis, she lies strapped to a backboard in a hospital emergency room in a city where she will always be a stranger. Trying to tell me what she understands.
The book is also a reflection on modern medicine and its inability to deal with a serious epidemic in our aging population. The title refers to the term "sundowning," the frequent evening agitation of many Alzheimer's patients, which makes severe difficulties for their caregivers. Judith Harway discusses treatments, commonly pharmacological, and their limitations, and newer experimental methods for dealing with such behavior. She expresses admiration for the sheer talent of a number of nurses and caregivers, and regret and dismay for the ones who are in over their heads. She reflects on mortality and how we deal with it in our beloved pets, whose lifespan is a fraction of our own. And then it's a story about time, inseparable as that idea is from memory. As the book's chapters effortlessly segued in an almost free-associative manner through varied moments in the mother's and daughter's lives, I was propelled forward through this beautiful book right to the end.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Such a beautiful and heart-wrenching memoir by Judith Harway
By Holly H. Brookstein
Such a beautiful and heart-wrenching memoir by Judith Harway. I purchased this book because I am on the same journey with a family member in the early stages of Alzheimers, and wanted a glimpse of what is to come. I learned a great deal about Alzheimers' and how unprepared our medical system is to deal with its difficult complications. However, this book also provided a touching and honest portrayal of Ms. Harway's mother as a person- as a mother, wife and grandmother. It was such a powerful reminder to me to never forget who the PERSON is that I'm caring for. Alzheimer's doesn't just rob the patient of their memories, it sometimes robs the family members of being able to remember how they were before. This book inspired me to keep remembering, and I hope that I can provide the loving responses that Ms. Harway gave to her beloved mother.
Elegantly written, and a pleasure to read.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
an insightful, beautifully crafted, life-affirming memoir
By Uncle Homunculus
Sundown is beautifully written, which will come as no surprise to readers of Judith Harway's poetry, but also beautifully constructed, not as a chronological narrative, but as an assemblage of anecdotes, observations, reflections, and memories. These resonate and interweave, and, ultimately, coalesce into a life-affirming story. At turns thought-provoking, witty, disturbing, lyrical, funny, heartbreaking, and inspirational, the stories within the larger story include explorations into the nature of personal identity and memory, personal and cultural history, family, friendships, love, loss, and the healthcare system.
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